Do you think it's really the will of the Lord?

Do you think it’s really the Will of the Lord?

          We had been dating for a few months and the closer it came to June the 6^th the date we had set for our wedding, Ron started acting strange. He began withdrawing and when we were out to eat or going to church, he was distant, not talking much.

          I was getting concerned over the way he was acting. So one night I said to him, “Ron is everything okay?”

          He was quiet for a long time and finally he said, “Marriage is a big step and I just want to make sure we’re doing the right thing.”

          I felt a blow to my heart. He was getting cold feet and was going to back out. I just knew it. A sense of rejection came over me but I tried not to show it. I said, “Yes, it’s a big step. But we felt like it was the Lord right, that’s why we set the date?”

          “Yes, but I think I might have been hasty in asking you. We really hadn’t known each other that long. I’m going to pray about it some more and see what the Lord has to say.”

          By this time I was getting angry. He was going to pray about it and then let me know if it was the Lord’s will or not. Well, he wouldn’t be the only one praying, I would be praying too. And if I felt like it wasn’t right, then I would tell him.

          He left that night and at that point I wasn’t too sure I wanted to ever see him again. So I declined his offer to go to church with him or see him.  I told him I was giving him some space so he could pray and figure out what he felt like the Lord wanted him to do.

          It was a tough time. I cried some over it and actually began to think what I should do rather than get married at this time. I wanted to go to Bible College. It had been a desire of mine to study the Scriptures further. I had been called to preach since I was sixteen and had been active in the ministry. I had held several revivals, youth camps, youth services, fellowship meetings, and numerous regular church meetings. My pastor at the time was a good promoter and he had a lot of contacts, so he helped me get open doors. 

          I had a full ministry of my own and stayed busy along with going to school and trying to finish my senior year. When Ron started acting funny, I thought well maybe it’s not God’s will for me to marry so young. My parents didn’t really have the money to send me to college, but I had heard of small colleges where the tuition wasn’t too high and I could work my way through.

          So while he was praying all night long and fasting, I was preparing. If he dumped me, then I would have an alternate plan. I went through an intense time of feeling rejected. Why did he bother to ask me to marry him if he wasn’t sure? It just didn’t make sense to me. I really felt in my heart we were meant for each other but if he backed away out of fear, there was nothing I could do about it.

          This carried on for a while. I did accept a date to go to a revival or out to eat, but it was always strained. One night we had been out and he was unusually quiet. Sitting in front of our house, he said, “Let’s pray about it together.” So we started praying and the presence of the Lord came into that car in a glorious way. It was a stillness, a warmth and a loving spirit. We were awed by it. But even that wasn’t enough for Ron. He was still tormented by it.

          He walked me to the door and left without a kiss goodnight. I didn’t see him again for several days. My thoughts were it was over. And I was so inclined to just call him up and tell him we should move on with our lives. But the Lord instructed me to wait.

          Ron phoned again and once more we went out. The same coldness and distance was there.  When we got back to my house, he walked me to the door and standing in the dark on my mother’s front porch, he said, “I just can’t find peace about us getting married. I’ve prayed all night several nights and fell asleep on the altar. And I just can’t get a clear word.”

          I never said a word to him, because I had prepared myself for this moment but I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I knew in losing Ronnie Fritch I would be losing something precious and valuable in my life. And while we stood there on the old board porch, the same presence of the Lord that had come into the car a couple a weeks before hovered over us. Ron didn’t move for a long time, not saying a word and then he reached for me and drew me into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I got nervous about the responsibility of marriage but clearly the Lord has placed his approval on it.”

          I went inside the house but I couldn’t shake the insecurity his wavering had created. Now, that he was sure, I wasn’t. My bedroom had a big window and if I pulled back the curtains, I could watch the moon and the stars in the midnight sky. I lay there that night with the curtains pulled back and thought about my life.

          I was the youngest of seven children. My four brothers and two sisters had all married and moved away. I was the only child left at home. I was eighteen and had a passion to do something for the Lord. I prayed, read the Bible and witnessed to the kids at school. I was youth leader in my church and taught a Sunday school class. I held quite a few revivals and really enjoyed it. I couldn’t play the piano, although I had a desire to and I sang a little but wasn’t very good at it. My main gifting was to preach. I loved it and was intensely excited when I got an open door. If I didn’t get married, I would go into full time evangelism or go to Bible College. Now that he was sure, I wasn't.